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School: SSK12: Essay1 Graded

  • Posted on October 16, 2011 at 8:29 pm

>Well it wasnt exactly what she wanted, but she passed. nageena recieved a Credit:

Credit (C)
Good performance indicating a high level of understanding of subject matter; development of relevant skills to a high level; demonstration of a high level of interpretive and analytical ability and achievement of all major objectives of the unit; some minor objectives may not be fully achieved.
 Here are the comments from nageena’s tutor.

Task Fulfillment
Does the essay answer the topic and/or directly refer to the topic?
Additional Comments:
This is certainly an interesting take on the question; however the essay is on topic and shows innovation and imagination. Well done
Does the essay:
Contain an effective and structured introduction and conclusion?
Contain a statement of thesis?
Contain reasons or details supporting the thesis?
Develop in an organized and logical way?
Additional Comments:
Your essay would have been improved by a clearer structure – a good way of ensuring you have a strong structure is to write an essay plan before you start writing. In your introduction you need to include your thesis statement and your main supporting points then expand on each of these points to form the paragraphs in the body of your essay and then restate the points in the conclusion and explain how you have answered your thesis. Your essay could also have been improved by have a thesis that was more succinct (your thesis should be no more than one brief sentence which needs to be clearly stated in the essay in the form of an argument) and arguing that thesis throughout your essay which would have given you paper a better flow. With supporting points that built on each other.
Content and Research
Does the essay:
Focus on several factors and show their interaction?
Define the key terms or concepts adequately using readings?
Relate the key terms, concepts and readings to personal experiences?
Additional Comments:
Your essay was well researched and you merged your personal experiences well with the readings. I liked your use of in text referencing. Good work.
Writing Style and Presentation
Is the writing:
Fluent (correct grammar, spell-checked and correctly punctuated)?
Correctly structured (paragraphing, topic sentences and flow of ideas)?
Correctly referenced in Chicago style (‘in-text’ referencing and reference list)?
Additional Comments:
Your writing is appropriate for the academic genre and you have a fluent style. This is a well written essay that correctly utilises the required writing style. Well done.
Overall Comment
This is a well researched and written essay that shows you have put a lot of time and effort into producing it. If you can write a thesis statement you can easily argue and read your assignment aloud before you finish next time you should be easily able to excel in you second essay. Well done

School: SSK12 Essay 1

  • Posted on September 29, 2011 at 2:52 am


In this essay I will explain how my experiences and worldview as a consensual slave has positively affected how I respond to education and learning. Yes I am what is called a consensual slave, and not only has it shaped who I am as a person, but it has also positively influenced my education.
Within this essay I will explain what I mean by calling myself a consensual slave, and why I am such a person. I will talk about who I am, and why I am studying. I will discuss how my being a slave has shaped who I am today and how it has affected my education.

The dictionary defines the words consensual and slave as follows. The meaning of consensual is to permit, approve or agree; comply or yield. Join this with the definition of slave, a person who is the property of and wholly subject to another, and you are left with one who consents to being the property and wholly subject to another.

Guy Baldwin  in his book SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude – Principles, Skills and Tools. (2002, pp57-62) explains that:
“Outside the BDSM community, the relationship of Master/slave is sometimes regarded as a form of consensual sexual slavery. In BDSM, a slave is a specific type of submissive. The Master/slave relationship refers to the relationship between the individuals involved, and does not necessarily require any specific acts, sexual or otherwise, though sexual activity is usually an aspect of the relationship”

When I saw the topic to this essay I had to write, that there was no way that I could not write about this, as it is my worldview. Samovar and Porter (2004, p85-86) tell us that our worldview influences our beliefs and values. While Marshall and Rowland (2006, p11) say that what I believe and value directly affects my learning. It can affect my choice of courses, my work in the unit, my open mindedness and how I relate to other students and teachers.

My belief is that I was created to be a slave, not just a slave in general and to anyone, but a slave for one particular person, and ever since I woke up to that knowledge of who I really was I have never been more content or happy. I value myself more because I am seen as having value by my partner, if he didn’t value me I would not be with him. I value the deadlines that he gives me for my study because it makes it so I work hard and well and I am not late on assignments. He invoked the 24 hour rule where all my assignments must be complete 24 hours before they are due, so that I would never be late.

Julia Hobson uses three key words to help her in her learning process, one of those key words is contextualise (Hobson, 1996). I would contextualise myself as slave to my partner, but I am also a parent of a six year old son, and now a student of university. As a slave I serve and obey my partner, and part of that service is completing and doing well in my studies. As a parent, study time is slightly hard to come by unless he is at school or asleep, but it helps to keep my mind active. By me going to school and doing homework it helps him also, because he sometimes sits with me working on his own reading and writing for school.

As for why I chose to study, it has always been something that I wanted to do. The choices about the classes that I made were different however. At that time I was choosing Business Admin courses, ones that would enhance my skills for a potential partner. That was my focus at the time, enhancement to increase my skills as a slave. When I enrolled in my degree, not only was I actually doing it for me and because it was something that I was interested in, but at the time I was using it as a distraction as I was unable to find the man that I could give myself to. By doing so it attracted the man that I am with now, who helps me to stay focused and proof reads my work before I send it in. Before I met him, I was not so good at punctuation, grammar and sentence structure. So now instead of a distraction, study for me is yet another way to serve him, and in doing so bettering myself.

Early on when I was in high school, I found myself as most teenagers, confused about who they are and what they were meant to do in their life. Once I discovered that I had submissive tendencies towards men I was better able to control it, but at the same time I fought with it which took away focus from my work. I found that the classes with male teachers I excelled at the class work, with the female teachers I did well but I didn’t push myself to do better. There were however a few male teachers that I did not respond in that manner and so did poorly in their class, these were the ones that were domineering towards the females in their class.

The change in myself as I have matured both as a person and slave is that I am more composed now than when I was last in study. I no longer fight with myself, I have accepted myself which saves a lot of energy. Over the years I have been in many different relationships, not all of them good or healthy, but because I persevered and I believed in myself I have come out a better person. Studying this time around while busy, my life feels more rewarding than it did in high school, in high school I studied because I had to, now I study because I enjoy it. I enjoy the pride and rewards from my partner when I do well which causes me to put 110% effort into my work.

My education has been affected positively because I am a slave, having someone there supporting me, and pushing me to do well is exactly what I needed. My mind is calmer because I accepted myself, I am a happy and well balanced person who happens to want and need to serve the man in her life in a slave like manner, and thankfully I am not the only one.


Baldwin, Guy. 2002. SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude – Principles, Skills and Tools. Daedelus Publishing Co, Los Angeles, CA, pp57-62.

Hobson, Julia. 1996. Concepts of the self: Different ways of knowing about the self. SSK12 lecture transcript. ed. Lorraine Marshall. Perth: Murdoch University.

Marshall, Lorraine and Rowland, Frances. 2006. A guide to learning independently. 4th edn, Pearson Education, Sydney.

Samovar, Larry A., and Richard E. Porter. 2004. Communication Between Cultures. 5th  ed. Belmont, California: Wadsworth/Thomson Learning. Worldviews, 85-86.